I really don't know what to say
It's time like these that always get to me. Although it may seem different outside, it's always the same inside; or maybe it's just because of the tides that rise and fall. It's difficult enough to face the constant motions of the swings and erratic agitations from the environment and within myself, but to be held towards another sight that just depresses me even more, there just won't be any end to it. A moment goes by as I accept it, and then another washes me through with dissapointment as things just turn out to be expectedly bad. The part of dealing with it and finding the cause is not so painful, but it's the already expected hit of distress that gets to me. I've already foreseen the events that are to come by making a conclusion from my actions at the time. I've just got this thing for predicting the outcomes of matters. However, it's the hopelessness and the helplessness that overwhelms me. I've dealt with it before, and am still dealing with it. I've found the cause to them, and those are not merely just out of laziness or procrastination, but something deeper that causes me to become inept in doing my best work. As if a dilapidated house, I begin to fall. So much damage and bashing has that house taken that it is just crumbling to pieces. Though, I have to pick myself up again. Try again, because I know I can - that is my ability. To always go on even though the worst is upon me. But it gets tiring to have to go through the same ordeal and process again and again. Furthermore, as my therapist said: "There is always a limit to how long you can stay high." There is also a limit to how long I can cope with this dissapointment before I go into something that could present me with a much more serious situation. That is something that I try and work so that it would never happen. Though the temptations to just give up and let go is rising and the tide is getting darker with each passing day.
There are still so many things that I have not done. There are still people out there that care about me. There are still people out there that depend on me to stay strong. It's so hypocritical, isn't it?
I always try to be there for people.
Winds of dissapointment
Crush me, beat me
I rise again
Beaten, crushed
The scars I wear
Painful, hurting
I want to find
My healing angel
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