Are you building your own demise?
Tears of joy are most pleasureable, and yet mostly we see the opposite happen. Or is it just that we remember more about the pain rather than the happiness?
A night to remember is not too much trouble when you really come down to terms with deciding a favourable way to commemorate it. Unless of course events take a turn to something unpleasant and your humbly laid aside time for sleep starts with a stream of tears slowly, silently and emotionlessly streaming down your cheeks. A downpour is uncalled for, because you are already having one inside your mind. In that area where only you realize and only you can see; the fragments of reality mesh together to form an event of sorrow that you had tried not to picture, caused by the fear of an unwell start of another moment of riding the torrents of sorrow. That moment, so cruelly dwelling inside you, leaves you no choice but to commemorate it making an emotional scar along with all the other times that you so untimely came to remember. Whilst your mind startles for a moment at the staggering immensity of the moment, you start to count the times in the past where you have given in to such similar restraints of pleasure - and that just gets you back in the loop; loop of unforgiving winds of anguish.
It just seems that for the moment, the word forever is no longer something impossible, but a constant that had already begun its merciless duty. A pity for your cheer, for it ran away like a coward once your friends of terror came knocking on your door. A hopeful night of peace and quiet turned out to be the beginning of another near psychotic episode, where suicide was merely a nightmare and reality had become something even more grim - something unimaginable. But you knew it was there, because you felt so scared you had froze; and your wits had already left you, leaving you defenseless against this new and mortifying horror. What were you to do?
Then, when it just became too much to handle, came your drowsy savior with its ironic nature: sleep. But your waking prison had just begun its trials of turbulence, and that was just a test run. You would know this - its lurking right there: at the back of your mind.
How murky are the waters that you would thread?
How dark are the roads that you dare walk?
How fearful are you of that which is unknown?
It is not a doppleganger that you are fighting, but the self that you have been running away from. As you grew and advanced in knowledge, it grew and advanced with you. It feeds on the very same delights and tinkers in the very same puzzles. But you missed it because you were always in denial of that lingering conscience within you. Whenever you sought the easy way out, or ran from your mistakes; whenever you were blind to your own ignorance, it took them away as your let those moments slip to build a cage. Ignorance is no longer bliss. Instead, it will cause you blisters.
Dare you face it now?
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