Intentions, intentions, intensions...
One certain fact that many people would seem to ignore, or rather take for granted, in their daily lives is the way that they "expect people to treat me, the same way i treat them". This phrase has so often been noted somewhat a motto or a principle in life of what to expect of others when you decide to take them into your wing. Though, this phrase is often misinterpreted, largely due to individual differences and also due to a subliminal exchange of emotions.
Firstly, i'll explain something that is associated to every one of us: the amygdala and prefrontoral cortex. These two sections of the human brain make out something that can be called the emotional circuit in the brain. There are many more specifics to this emotional circuit, but these two parts of the brain play major roles in it.
The amygdala is human sensor of emotions in your brain. Your prefrontoral cortex (within this emotional circuitry), serves as a sort of "filter" for these emotions. Once emotions have been picked up by your amygdala, they go through your prefrontoral cortex (PFC) for interpretation. The interesting aspect of this emotional circuit, is that your PFC can be "trained" to turn off to emotions, therefore serving as an "off" switch to emotions that you choose to ignore (inhibit). However, most of the time, the amygdala just ignites emotions inside you, and you act before you think. The same process can also happen when you are trying to emphatize in others. You also use the amygdala to detect emotions coming off from people around you.
Now, let's move on the point. The intensions of the person when he's saying "i expect others to treat me, how i treat them", is saying that they want people to give them the same quality of attention and openness that they would give anyone else. However, your amygdala does not take it that way. Your amygdala reads off the emotions of the speaker, and if you do emphatize enough in that person you will try to fulfill his or her expectations, this will cause you to specify what sort of attitude the person has when dealing with you (e.g. when your amygdala picks up a cynical attitude, it will automatically incite your own emotions and attitude to become cynical to that person. did you ever try to speak to two people at the same time, who have two entirely different personalities? Try it :P )
Now, when what you are expecting from others is the same quality that you are giving him or her, you must remember that you might not want the same quantity of attitude of what you are showing yourself. According to the example that i gave before: the cynical person might not want to be treated cynically but in another attitude. Those of you who have a very negative perception to life, are in danger of having others treat you in the same attitude because their amygdalas are picking up that attitude and making them treat you in the same way. Now, wouldn't it make perfect sense that if you're so cynical, people around you would treat you in the same cynical, ill-founded way? What you have done by speaking that phrase, is only accessing the person's amygdala within the emotional circuit and missing out on the PFC.
Nobody can read minds and very rare it is that the other person can read your intentions and true expectations of him or her. This will cause the person to just give you back, exactly what you are showing to him or her. If you're good to him, he will be good to you; and the same goes for the opposite show of affections. The part of the emotional circuitry that can save you from this predicament is the PFC. The PFC is capable of becoming a filter for these unwanted or misinterpreted intentions. It can turn a person from being cynical to being very kind and nice to you. But, in order to get this, you must make your true intentions clear to the other person. Or, at least make sure the other person understands what you really want. Most of the time, we expect our friend to know this because "that's what friends are for"; this might not be true 100% of the time.
But actually...to those of you whom are extremely cynical and have a "there is just no hope in this life" sort of thinking, what are your true intentions? Humans will always be humans and life will always be life, but how do you come to the conclusion that the world is just something so mechanical that you may just dub things in such a hopeless manner? There's always a choice there waiting for you, you just stopped reaching for it and using it, so you ended up being stuck there and eventually pulled back by your never-ending, countless complaints that you have for your life. Perhaps, it's time that you should stop asking for people to suit you, but ask for yourself to suit others once in a while. Is it really that hard to take on another perspective?
It's just your ego. Get over it.
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