At a table in the dark, i gather around with my two friends, and then i watch myself going backwards, from the inside out and from the present to the past. Living under a dark cloud, everyday is raining and move i make the lightning will strike and the thunder roars. I peer down towards my steps, in retrospect, though now with my friends along my side, we peer down again, and again, against all that i've done - all that was wrong and all that was good. But the fact that stings is the things that i could have done better, or perhaps the things that could have turned out better for me, and all that went wrong just rubs it in.
The round table serves for a purpose: a meeting place. It's somewhere that i find a darker shade of solace, but nonetheless a little assurance that there's a communion for me every now and then. There's some sort of storm brewingk and it's another mistake done; another scar to remember; another loss of my time; another something to break myself; another something that steals away my hope. i'm already sinking in the void of life i live in and these things are just making me slip and fall, and then i go down even faster. Wonderful, at least i there is something to wait for: the bottom.
I gave up on it a long time ago: anger. But it haunts me everyone now and then. i'm reminded of that fact when i see myself through the mirror, as i start to think of doing things that i would regret. i'm thankful that i didn't commit those horrible things that i had running through my thoughts. But what's gone is gone and what's done is done. But there is still regret to chase after you. So be happy, you're not really alone - you just have some sick feeling trailing behind you.
Oh, it's a brand new day. Or should i say, it's a brand new yesterday. i look at myself trying to ride a bike and somehow i fell down. Oh, it's the first time i tried to ride a bike. Now it seems like nothing to me, because i can do it so easily. But when i first started, it took some time for me to learn it. That reminds me, i'm trying to do something now and i'm learning to do it better: to forget and let go. i just realized that it's two things, maybe that's why it's taking so long to learn.
Now the past is over, i turn to my two friends. One's just a shadow of me, always behind me, and though in a very wicked way, always watching my back. Others might think it slowly kills me and maybe that's the truth. But i'm not letting it go. It's a part of me and it's grown on me. All i have to do is just teach it otherwise. It can't exist in reality so he relies on me. But when times come that i am weakened, it gives me hell in this place.
The second one is a little boy. He looks like someone from my past but i don't recognize him. He's a fragment of me that recalls the emotional things in me. He reminds me of things by whining and crying, sometimes even throwing tantrums at me when he gets mad. He's so much like a child - so much that i wish to be him. Sometimes i don't feel like a person because i'm so lacking of some things that make people who they are. But that's me: the person that never had.
Is there someone out there that can tell me who i am? i may not be lost inside a web of my own making, but i wish someone to see through that web. I want someone to get past the maze of my personality. I want someone to be able to unlock my true colours. I want someone who has the key to my soul. I want someone who can read me like a book. I want someone who can calm me when i'm frustrated. I want someone who can listen to me when i need to talk. I want someone who can cure my sorrows. I want someone who can be a crying shoulder. I want someone who can be my hero. I want someone who can be like a father to me. I want someone that can be like a mother to me. I want somoene who can be everything to me.
i hope, i will be able to wait till i find that person.
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