Where is the love?

Maybe the more correctly, where did all the compassion go to?

Have you ever experienced or saw a time when you were very in need of help, but the people around you just didn't seem to care? Or picture this scenario: you hurt yourself real bad, you come back to confront your parents with the situation, but all you get is scolded for being so careless.

What the FUCK is that? (sorry for the obviously, much required, use of foul language)

What's happening to everyone? Or is it just the people around me? It's sickening to even think of this type of obnoxious behavior, even worse see it face on. The obvious lack of compassion is very disappointing. Talk about being sophisticated and highly educated, you would deserve the envy of many countries that are now, still deprived and lacking the facilities even to provide primary school education. Think of those Third World countries and see how they treat their children. If they treat them like slaves, education and proper morals should have taught you to identify with their suffering. If they treat their children with such care and dedication, shame on you if you cannot provide the same type of care towards other people.

When I was in primary and secondary school, I always asked myself, "Why are we learning moral education for?" The main issue was that there was no direct link between what we learned and what we could apply in real life. Reality is not a textbook or a piece of paper where you can just put everything perfectly into context and pick out the few "nilai-nilai" that are suitable for the situation. People who think that way are still living in a fantasy world, and who haven't broken out of their naive adolescent shells. Reality is full of complexed situations where one meets moral dilemmas on a daily basis. The complexity of situations can only be resolved through the utilization of good rhetoric and common sense. Instilling values in a person is useless if he or she does not know how to use them. Like I read somewhere, "The greatest achievement of man is not the discoveries, but how man used those discoveries."

I have noticed, for a very long time, that the Chinese tradition is to use a type of negative psychology to try and put an impression on others so that they can learn from their mistakes. I can see the logic in this, but there is just one problem. Aren't you making things worse by putting salt on open wounds?

Here's an example:

Boy comes home from school after having a big fall from riding too fast. Mother sees boy hurt and bruised all over his body and the bicycle partially broken. Mother asks boy what happened, but first instinct of mother is that, "Boy, you got into a fight, didn't you? Har? What happened?". Boy explains to mother the truth, quite reluctantly. Mother looks at bicycle and then turns to boy, "Now you see what you've done to the bicycle. We'll have to spend more money to repair it. You never appreciate what we buy for you one. Go to your room now!" The boy parks the bicycle and heads sullenly to his room. He changes and cleans his wounds from the grit and dirt. Father comes back, brings a stick and wacks the boy, "Why are you so careless, huh?"

If you ask any parent that uses this type of education strategy on their children, they will answer you firstly: don't teach me how to take care of my own children! Fine, you just witnessed denial. Or is it more of a culture thing? They're just ignorant to see they are doing more damage than good. From all that punishment, what type of feelings do you expect the boy to harbour for his parents? The parents expect nothing but love and respect. Of course, you would definitely love someone because they are your parents, and the fact that they beat you up makes you respect them even more.

I'm going to say this loud and clear: This is BULLSHIT.

A very similar style that I can relate to a traditional Chinese family is the concept of being in the military. They punish you whenever you do something wrong. You are required to follow instructions, or else (please insert a death warning sign here). There are certain rules and regulations, which your officer in command sets, and which you must follow to the dot. Your officer in command may violate those rules because he made them. The stick he is holding is a heavenly offering, and when he hits you with it, it's a sign of love. You are expected to learn by being insulted and humiliated. You are just another soldier on the field, until you are promoted to officer rank.

Do you see a problem there? I do. I see a dysfunctional family riding on the waves of a chaos theorem headed straight for the gates of hell. If you do not get off the ride soon enough, you will end up either insane or dead. Your rescue point is when you promote yourself. How do you do that? God knows...

When things just crush down on your, you would expect people to understand it. Somebody to listen to your problems and perhaps talk you through about your situation, would be much better compared to someone who just slams the lid of conversation right in your face, refusing to accept whatever explanation that you have. Maybe this dysfunctional attitude is the epitome of an egocentric dominator culture. You are expected to become like a stick, always following that straight path. While your superiors, they are in search of some sense of creativity in you, so that they will promote you. But the ironic thing is, any inkling of you not following the norms of conduct (not being a stick) is totally out of the question - until they decide to let you free of their control. When you are free, you are expected to become fluid and adapting to your environment. Is it that good a plan?

Just think about it. You are nurturing people in a way that they are constantly following your every order and without any initiative of their own. They are basically living a standard, robotic, zombie-like lifestyle with no area to achieve creativity and much less, innovation. Then all of a sudden, you set them free to realise reality for themselves. You expect them to learn, no it's the wrong word. You expect them to transform into a creative, adaptable and innovative individual. All this is done overnight - plenty of time.

And yet, you say that you are showing them compassion, by:
1) Beating them up when they make a mistake
2) Telling them how stupid they are when they fail
3) Commanding them to follow your every order
4) Taking good care of them: by reminding them how great other people are, and expecting them to become like them. But you never teach them how to, they have to find out themselves.
5) Showing them that love is the utilization of derogative statements that unnerve the person to feel worthless.

It feels as if all the years of education have just gone in an instance. Education is meant not only to nurture intellect, but also individuals that are capable of showing morality, empathy and brotherhood. I can easily take a bet, with my life on the line, that educators don't only want the person to procure knowledge, but also how to develop as a fit individual. Fit means to be capable of becoming a genuinely complete person who is not only highly proficient in intellectual means, but also in social means. Social means encompasses being able to show compassion for your fellow human being.

Treating another person with bile and venom will end up making them fear and detest your mere presence. If they cannot get over it, they'll eventually turn their backs on you forever. If you feel that you didn't teach someone correctly, and you think that you caused him/her to error, don't take out your guilt and turn it into bitterness for that person. Calling a person stupid does not teach anything. It just makes the person feel even more useless. It's no wonder that people can feel so worthless with all this shit happening around the world. You have to realise that it takes a momentous amount of strength to get up and face the world, and you bringing them down further is not doing anything to help. The next time someone is down and needs your help, try putting yourself in his or her shoes before saying anything. Imagine yourself being scolded and called an idiot, embarrassed and humiliated, when all you needed was some reassurance and some sign that someone actually cares. If you suddenly felt that nobody cares about you, I'm sure that you will start losing your own drive to live on. The things that you do to another person, resonate on for the rest of their lives. Eventually, they'll decide to take away all that's not good to them. Just think, you want what's good, and not the bad things. Do you think that making people suffer even more is good? If you do, you deserve to go into a psychiatric ward - you're probably anti-social to the point you only care about yourself.

When you have no life, you can't make it more meaningful by causing other people to have no life as well. You are just destroying the world by doing that, because only people with life can give you the life that you want - and help you with it.