I've been wondering for a long while the reason why i treat my family members and my friends in different ways...
Then a week ago something sprung against me...
I realise that my friends treat me more as peers and equals, and perhaps they show more openness towards me, and I, in turn show them the same respect as they would show me. Or it may have been the other way around, meaning that I present myself to others as more open and more of..."myself" maybe...so they serve to reciprocate in a similar way.
But, my parents hmm...i was brought up in a very critical values system. You could say that one hundred percent of the time my parents were criticizing on my homework, performance, eating, habits and so on...everything was going towards "why can't you do better?" and so on...so then...i tend to treat them in the same way.
Now this is weird. How come it's very hard for me to change my perception towards my parents? A while ago, i began to realize that i had two different dispositions with my parents and friends. It was weird, because i just couldn't treat my parents like i did my peers. You might think this is normal, but think about it a bit more, you start to realize that there are certain boundaries there.
I started to break things down to categories, not just "parents" and "friends" but more to the domains of why i treat two different groups in opposite manners. Yes, i respect my parents, but i also respect my friends. So what's the difference there? How come i cannot treat them the same? Of course, there's the thing about being a son and so on, but that aside, what's so different between a parent and a friend?
Looking at western culture, and comparing it to eastern culture, you see something that is different. Western cultures develop a sense of equalness between parents and children starting from a certain age. It becomes more of a peer thing than a parent to child thing. How? Well..first sign is you start calling them by their first names...hmm....in Asian cultures it's almost forbidden. But perhaps it's this change of doctrines that allows a more "peer" bond to be developed between parent and child. Nevertheless, it still doesn't explain why i treat my parents differently.
Looking from another angle, i tried to see on how our relationships were. There i found that however someone treats me, i would almost definitely treat them the same way. As a member of the family unit, i treat my family members the way....i guess how my father/mother started it off. Then with my friends, well i develop a sense of identity so i treat them that way.
This means that whatever parents teach/nurture their children in, it rebounds against them. So perhaps even parents have things to learn from their children nowadays if they want to get along better. Hmm...i still wonder why i cannot treat my parents like i treat friends...it's just...weird!
an eye for an eye?
or is it just something about development?
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