When a path is set out before you, you see it too clearly - but only because you haven't been through all the hillsides and borrows. After the experience hits you, the simple life and path you always wanted for yourself just disappears and a migraine starts to replace those beautiful dreams of your's. And for once you wish you had never started on the journey to pursue your dream. But all that "happy ever after" is merely a fairy tale and that's how it'll stay. A reality and dream are similar in that they both can happen, but to which extent makes the two all the more distinct from each other.
Set aside one moment to think and clearly memorize each and every detail of your daily routine. You might just start to realize that it's made all the years of fine tuning by your own efforts. Why? We all have dreams and goals to head to. But somehow in the middle, we may find that we prefer other things. The ironic thing is, we cannot just give ourselves a make over with just a few moments spent overnight, but it take a century of thought and a millennium more of routines to make it fixated into your habit. But what does it all mean to you?
I can't think enough of this puzzle of life which has been laid upon each of us. Some wish to just touch the surface and travel to wherever it brings them to; some try to unravel it but are stalled in their steps; some intend to but never do anything to really put things into pace; but i intend to push far beyond my own physical limitations and immerse into a world filled with the wonder of creation and imagination. There's no other sanctuary left for one who wishes a peace of mind with a taste of adrenaline and satisfaction at the end of the day. But perhaps i've come a bit too early to let myself reach a stable and placid lifestyle. My whole body wails for me to move and enjoy my surroundings, plunging myself deeper into the senses bestowed to me and letting myself experience all there is to be experienced without limitation. It's a dream come true for a sensation seeker, but yet i've been many times to heights of sense that i cannot describe or fathom. It's as if there were a priory, none other than those bits of life which one must experience themselves to truly understand. But the way which we all can share the same experience in different ways brings an interesting paradox to mind. A subjective case which is at the same time within an objective context - it questions the mere basis of objectivity in the first place.
I've not written some hard, concrete though in a long time. Perhaps this is an escape back into my own world filled with creations from my own imagination, or perhaps it is a plunge to further pursue the unknown that is out there, growing day by day as i learn many a more new things.
Perhaps the crying child which has plagued my mind is a cry of poetry and logical needs to express the flow. And the neglect that i have given to it became a blockage similar to a blocked heart artery, causing mental pain rather than physical. As deadly as a heart attack, yet untraceable by scientific means - the silent killer. May we call it psychology? Or spirituality? It is yet another unknown to be sought out. And why oh why does my mind seek such topics to dwell on. Have i nothing better to do?
time as an essence brings a cry of shame
and the ground paved with sorrow brings only pain
the guilt of a wrong deed carries a burden so heavy
that it suffocates and makes me heave
but the invisible weight around my neck
derives from the beauty of a memory in my heart
the pain as a withering flower, slow and steady
the shame as a prick of a rose, sweet for a moment yet stinging as a nightmare
and the burden is but a void, which attracts only gloom
and yet there is still a lot more for me to learn.
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