crackdown...
i'm so tired. this semester is wearing me out to the max. plus, my results are soon enough going to take a plunge downward, if i don't do anything about them, that is....but the main issue is still this drama. i'm tired...very very tired, and i'm continuing my efforts based purely on my will and i don't want to let the actors down. but i'm very tired and i'm afraid i am nearing my limit to work. i am almost spent....
i feel so helpless. the drama turned from a optimistic drive to a total wreck. another failure that marks my journey. damn, they really weigh me down. i don't know why i still carry on in the first place. urgh, i'm contradicting my own feelings and thoughts. it's miserable. what the hell is going on...
i wish the class would show more commitment. in the end i end up having to handle almost everything. i'm glad that the staging team is doing their job well and glad that the actors are working very hard. even a dancing clutz managed to pull through and learn his steps after doing extra work. i'm very glad for him. but i really don't know how this project is going to turn out. i guess tomorrow will be a deciding day...
tomorrow i have two things to do. one, decide whether i should drop out of this course and announce to the class that this project is on the brink of complete failure. my grades...i never did it for my grades...they are the last thing i ever think about. my grades are like a secondary priority to me. for me, this entire project was about the people. and it turns out i feel immense guilt to just leave them like this, especially for those who have been working so hard for it. tomorrow, whether i drop or not, i'll only be helping out the actors. i can no longer do any other stuff. it's been eating into my other assignments and practically i've not been able to give much time to get anything else moving. another desperate time....
then on the shoreline of the ocean, and where the land should meet the clouds above, the hand of the sun stretches down and touches the grass, and the wind blows a wind for the grass to dance with. and with that a clouds turns sides, pouring droplets of water, and that dark water turns into a flow of wickedness into the sea. a pure tide no longer washes the sands of the land, and the touch of despair has already set its pace...
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