U know what...

U know what...

i think i'm really am a nutcase. I can't bring myself to do anything but...nothing at all. I have the need to really feel HAPPY, or else i don't feel alive at all. I feel like what i'm doing now is just so useless. I feel that i am a useless piece of crap. I feel like i just fell down a million flight of stairs. I feel like the world is going to end tomorrow. I feel like my life is only worth two cents. I feel like my head is so worthless i could chop it off and give it to someone - and that someone would just throw it in the dustbin. I feel seriously FUCKED UP!

What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm starting to feel so much pity for myself that i think those people with multiple personality disorder are getting it easy. They just create a new personality for each problem that arises. Of course, nothing gets resolved, but their conscience just so conveniently forgets all the troubles and thinks that everything is just FINE!

O M G

how true i with i could be JUST LIKE THEM! Maybe i will, i'll just lie to myself long enough so that i eventually convince myself into split personalities. Hell yeah...oh i wish that were true as well.

D A R N

what am i doing. this year, i think i've fucked up everything that i've been doing. it seems all my so called effort in college has been put to waste just by starting with the motto called calamity. i feel that i'm really going to the gutters this time. i really feel so freaking helpless. i really feel so freaking broke.

F T W

what am i talking about? Is this me being angry? Is this me being emo? Actually, i don't know what those things mean right now. They are all just a jumble. It's that jumble. I can't control it. It just slams into my face. I feel so like..so...indescribable. I don't know what is wrong. But i can just feel it. I just want it to all go away.

Give me back my life...

you. that thing. that stole it away. give it back. give it back..now! i can't bloody move on. i can't even bloody recognize myself anymore. i feel so sunk i'm hardly myself. i'm a shadow of thought. i'm just a nobody, even to myself. how the hell am i supposed to live like this? give me ME back! i'm talking to you. Listen to me now! Clearly, crystal clear, i want my life back.

T ru th

what is truth? do i make it myself? or is it that guilt? or is it that happy stuff? or is it that stupid stuff? what is it? i want an answer. now. will you just get me out of here...


I wish i had my dolls back
back when the skies were still blue
and the clouds seemed to shine
and the sun was so bright
and we talked about love....

talk about love
talk about the sunshine
talk about the green grass
and all the flower, beauty
that bloom in the garden
talk about life
and how i see it
talk about me
talk about you
talk about us
and maybe i'll cry
so i can feel i'm alive...