Seriously speaking, i've been wondering about all of this "knowledge" that i have in my little head. I've been asking myself "what the hell is this crap for?", and it's not like i'm getting a very straight forward answer. In fact, i might be getting absolutely no answer at all.
Of everything that i have been doing, there's only one thing that i think i am capable of doing at the moment. Game, game, game. COD4, Cabal Online...and whatever. But i'm getting a headache because i feel like i want to continue with something else. There's too much bullshit going around and it's like little mosquitos buzzing around and giving off those "nggiiinggg" noises. Now they are giving me headaches.
I feel a whole new sense of meaningless have dawned upon me. I stare at this book and i'm overcome with astonishment, but only by the title of it. But i don't know why i'm actually purchasing it. Something inside me tingles so i get a peak of interest. Conclusion: i buy the book. But do i read it? Heaven knows. I wish i knew too.
There are some people who i wish i could really like to tell some things that i've been keeping back. Because of this i feel like the past three months of my life have been erased or just rendered non-existent. It's disturbing when your life stops moving but the clock is still ticking at the same pace. You know what i'm talking about. Growing old but you're still stuck in childhood phase. Great, isn't it?
I want these bloody headaches to stop. I want this bloody sudden gushes of anguish to cease. I really feel damn fucking helpless when these "attacks" overcome me. My face just wants to contort into something despicably SAD (Super Acutely Depressed). It's a freaking nightmare and my head is a feasting ground for these creatures of the SAD army.
I don't know when, but i just lost my interest, my passion for doing many things. I know it has a lot to do with one disappointment after another. And each one that i discard, i throw away a sacred part of myself as well. When you do that, it takes a century's worth of work to get it back. Because it's not only something you have to relearn, but make sure you stop throwing it back into that pit of disappointment. FREAKING ANNOYING.
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