Reaching out yet again, towards a nothingness that i once breached. But this time, i not only see it, but i feel it and i have somehow broke it. This nothingness was once a deadly silence. I did not understand it. I neglected it. I did not even know of its existence. Till that day, i found it, and now it lies before me, for i am yet again placed within that cubicle of testing. I'm once again lying on the helpless temptations to scream out and smother all hope that i have of surviving this void. In the past, i've made the great mistake of deceiving myself. I felt that it was never my fault, it was always something wrong with something else. I now see that it has something to do with me. Partly, it is probably my nature of being. How i got that way is a building block that i wish to fix. It is broken, dislodged. I have to mend it, prevent it from bending the equation even further. By the time i'm done, the void will no longer be in the utter unknown, but instead it should be within my grasp. Perhaps, i may use it to my own peace and quiet. To turn that misery that it has brought me, instead towards a more lighter side of life. Then perhaps i will have my peace and quiet. And i may be strong for others and not disappoint myself further more. I lie, i lied...all those lies. I die, i died and i am dead. But this void took the pleasure of the guilt, it took the closure of death and left me bare with this empty feeling. It filled me with rage and vengeance of which i did not understand...and it all came out the wrong way. I never said those words right, i never placed myself in the right places, i never made the right moves. I always needed someone to be there...
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