Here I go again

The feeling looms over me again
I feel like a sleeping child
Ever to be engulfed in nightmares
Just waiting for me to break
And then strike when I am broken
Filling me with fear and agony
Feuling me with sorrow
My blood turns cold
And my heart becomes ice
But not my emotions
They still roam free
But still in a sea of sorrows
Drenched in pain I succumb
Again, the cycle begins
But this time
For how long?

Ever since the day those clouds began to turn dark, forming storm clouds as in the marshlands with only the stench of gloom in the air, I had turned to living a life of duality; and also a mystery, sometimes even to myself. The heavy burden of agony has never left my heart since. Though the duality exists as if I was born not into one reality, but two realities of separate, but sometimes merging dimensions. With dismay on one hand and the fascinating enthusiasm on the other, I approach each day by counting the seconds of which I do not succumb to the horrors within. The wretched and misguided darkness seems to overcome me now and again, sending me to an obleaque world where only one reason dominates: sadness. There is no idea in my mind of why I can suddenly switch into this state, where the duality disperses and only the gloomy mood of despair takes over. The fortress of doom seems to emerge and grips at me even tighter as I battle out the feelings of helplessness. While I strive to move on from this feeling, it grips on me even tighter, and with the other greater and darker emotions trailing behind, there is just so little hope enough for me to make each step worth living for. Though my mind may seem so awake and sharp, at the same time it is tortured by the hours of this senseless low-tide. The awakening of the monsters in my dreams merely turns them into nightmares - delusions in the making. A force so powerful grips hold on me each time I fall to far, tempting me with the fate of those who wished for an early release from the torture. Though I wish not perish unnecessarily and shall wait for the time where I have accomplished all that I can, and for the time when it is finally right. For now, I succumb when I cannot take it. I take on the full blast of this despair to which I should make myself so sorrowful that I feel numb. Though before the numbness takes over, I shall wrentch the very meaning of my existence, breaking myself until the limits. Though it is never an easy task to negotiate with your own basic instincts of survival, your very mind does not allow it. The mind always sees to your protection, thus it is hard to convince the mind to allow such travesty and see beyond to the revival of strength. But after all that is done, and you have been broken to be rebuilt, you shall feel the peace of mind for you are free from the emotions. It is this time, when my mind rebuilds itself that I should be able to re-negotiate the course of my emotions to a more preferable outcome. The sadness to be resolved and brought back to the duality of my being. Though, for now I shall succumb, but for how long?

How long?