Wake / Sleep

I don't feel like sleeping. I feel like it's just a useless chore to do because my body gets tired. Why do I even have to think that i have to rest myself when i can keep on going? Sleep is like some way to reorganize my thoughts so that i do not go mad with all the overwhelming information - that's how i see it. So, what's the use of sleeping? I'll just stay awake and have the time of the world (literally). Let's see, if the average person sleeps 8 hours a day, i have an extra 8 hours to work on things. I can read more, play more. Rest, well that's for food, showers and other stuff. Maybe there's not enough stuff to keep me awake. Hmm...well then i'll just have to find more stuff to do, right? It's easy. Get a part time job, write a book, read something interesting and all that. Plus there's always more to discover out there. I'm no textbook and i'm not about to write one either. But what i can do is gather enough stuff so that maybe i can even comtemplate writing a text book. So, i explore! Sleep, it's something that's not me. So i'll just stay awake my whole life. If i can...

Sleeping...now that's something that maybe i'm doing right now. Am i dreaming and writing this at the same time? Is it sleep walking? Maybe i won't wake up, ever. That's a dream come true! I won't have to deal with all the crap going on in the world. The economic crisis is damning and getting everyone on edge. I won't have to see those depressed faces and those already on edge go mad just over a dollar's change. Yeah, i'll just sleep and drown in my own fantasies. I'll create my own world in my mind, with it's undefined laws and create things that only i could imagine. In a blink i could be in Africa and then the next moment i'm back home. That's sleeping paradise. Nightmares, maybe they could be adventures. Waking up is just not an option. Maybe they'll call me a vegetable. Is there a possibility that i could sleep so much that i actually die?

Ironic as it sounds i'm stuck in a situation where i do not know if i want to stay awake or i just want to fall asleep altogether. When i'm awake i just don't want to sleep. As insane as it sounds all this information, however tired it makes me, creates an insanity that makes me calm. I somehow understand those crazy thoughts and it just gives me a little bit of energy to take a next bite out of life. Sleeping, i get rest. But some days i wake up dazed even though i've slept for more than 12 hours. I dream and that somehow saps up all my energy. Maybe it's like the yin and yang thing. I'm supposed to turn my energy to yin in the night and yang in the day. Maybe i'm just tapping into one source of energy and forgetting about the other. It's all speculation but could i be in a place where i am being pulled apart? A balance...but i'm lost in balancing. I want this and that and everything just collides. It's chaos...theory...not really. I'm chaos - now that's a fact.