Whatever

Somehow this new starting in b.psych has given me something to do. Well, that something to do doesn't just come with the "i want to study" but it also brings some little revival in perhaps the enthusiasm that i used to carry with me.

You know when adults look back at the young people and say "they're still young and wild"...i think i look back at the time when i was still around nine and wonder where all that energy went to. I think this thing called responsibility squashed out some of that energy. It hurt...it was slow and gradual, almost something i didn't notice until recently. Somehow this "grouping factor"....this "expected stuff" from society somehow weighs down on my own creative reservoirs. Perhaps its just the build-up of my personality that makes things that way. I'm more...individualistic, to put it short. But to describe that sort of individualism i think would take much more than just a few lines of definition. I like some rules. But sometimes i feel i need to be wild to be allowed to be my best. That's sort of something you don't get in reality.

Is it just wrong to be wanting to stay at the age of 9? Or is there something wrong with me to think my brain feels like it has aged to 50 abit too fast. I don't feel so young inside, i might just look that way. In fact, many things have come to drain out my spirits in the past few years. Each one takes a toll, and perhaps i've not really recuperated until the last few months.

I still stumble on this thing called "a life". Its such a vague concept in the society today. People want things...but they are generally too lazy to put effort into that pursuit. Feels like a perfect society for instant gratification - one that the media thrives on. People want things that are in trend. But with the coming crisis that might occur in the natural resources of the world, i just have to ask what does it take for people to wake up and actually make a difference in their lives.

Everything is so robotic nowadays. Studying is no longer a...valuable item. It has become something that everyone just gets..for the right money of course. I think that education, especially tertiary and above, is being made like a gateway for those who wish to have a "better" future. This better future doesn't really promise a great job or a great life. It promises an entirely new zombified experience, making you a sort of slave to society's need to see that piece of paper. It's no longer a reason for inner searching, but just a reason for making a living. More and more pressure is put that people should graduate at a younger age, rather than search for an interest or vocation before they actually pursue an education. I think this puts even more perogative upon the educator to make sure that students receive the real education that they really need - how to become a person of character.

Don't you ever think why some bitches or bastard can become leaders of an industry? Mostly its just because their parents are well connected, or they graduated from Harvard or Yale...its a boring, monotonous story. The pompous and cocky attitude that comes with a bunch of these people doesn't help it any further. Rather it gives a thought whether these people are graduates of prestige or graduates of recycleable paperbacks. It's a very sad and bleak sight when the old fashions of humility have been replaced by...brats.

I sometimes don't know what i'm studying for anymore. Not really because i've lost my way. But because i no longer wish to be in a society that is plummeting into this void of commercial adds and hypnotic MTV pop culture. People care for accesories and the latest trends (and also that everyone should follow the "in-way" or be out). Sometimes you wonder if education and media are two of the world's biggest rivals competing for audience...