Loneliness' Great Wish
Alone within these walls, I make my own friends inside my head. It is maddening to be suppressed by the outside world because of my own feelings of loneliness. I feel like nobody would want to befriend me. Alone in this place, I made friends with what I could find within. But it was all from a lost cause for all I could find was the depression, insanity and yet more loneliness that stretched on forever into an unseen, bleak space. People around me are more than just staring, ignoring faces of judgment of my own self, they are the people that I would like to live for but my own agony has made it quite impossible. I felt so alone in the beginning, I still feel very alone as life goes on. It is an impossible circle that cycles around me. Others may only glance the outlying facts of me, but not what is within. What lies within condenses all thought into something which makes those glances annoying. Yet there is more...
Those who have seen me, all but none have ever given any time to try to peer inside. They never tried to unravel the puzzle before them, they just left me alone. There is no comfort in this, but more loneliness to come. It puzzles me that they would give so much care to those happy and cheerful, but never a thought of sharing it with me that needed it the most. It was such that I discovered that it was just me alone and I was always speaking to myself. Like an insane man I found the path to places where people would not normally go. I became so isolated within my own walls that I built a more intricate puzzle for those people to unravel. All I ever wanted was so easy to give...
Days and years went by, I was still alone. Loneliness does not go away from me, for I am different. Unlike others, they seek company. They have the power and will to gain what is so abundant. Yet I remain powerless and have no strength to pursue such qualities. I have no will to move onto a more sociable arena. I remained in my little dark palace and placed my hopes towards those staring faces once again. Again and again, again, I cried in solitude...
Where are they? Where have they been all this while... I have been subdued to such a point that I have become consumed by this insanity that exists within me. The walls are darker than the night and I can only see deeper into the insane. Fear grips me constantly now. Though my understanding of matters may surpass others, however I am still constantly lonely and by myself. While they play and enjoy pleasure, I stay behind and sit still while I ponder and achieve great understanding. But, I still don't have a cure for myself...
It is nearly gone now-my emotions. I have none left to part with. My head is filled with a void. People may scorn me and taunt me, but I feel nothing from those words. I am null and inert, but still lonely. I am still alone. All I ever wanted, those words ring in my head...
All I ever wanted was to exist. I want to be needed...
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