Look back
A reminisc of past events
A retrospect of my life
A series of moments pass by
A breeze of memories
It just becomes definitely painful
And also something of hope
But it doesn't help
I've always just escaped
I'm afraid...
The lies that I tell myself, the pathways that I have lead myself to running, have nonetheless still managed to bring me back to square one, because i have just not been able to embrace the meaning of the action. It brings me back to memories that i cheerish very much, but they also bring me some hurt. Like in Ultraviolet: "When they are gone, they are just evil..."
I guess I feel the same way. There is nothing complicated about me when I deal with this matter. I'm just simple, perhaps in this matter the most simpliest, but i'm just unseen. I have been running and hiding a lot, i guess, but mostly from myself. Others don't see it and i don't know why. i think that i feel remorse. But still i have a hard time living in a reality that would pull me in two different directions.
Can i cry? Please? That's a question that i ask myself, but i haven't asked anyone else. I feel guilty if i cry, and it's a big mystery why. Half the time i feel like i have been abandoned and i think that people are afraid of me or dispise me. I feel like a box that has been locked and discarded to a place where there are no other boxes. Guess what...i feel lonely.
This is how it starts...
A rainbow lighted up my dreams once, and I saw the skies with such awe. I just wanted to reach the skies and walk on the clouds. I was a dreamer but filled with all the happiness that a person would need. But now, i found myself to be so different. So much so that i see, feel, think differently from many of my cohorts. It was not an issue before, but it's now a very big contributor to my loneliness.
The rainbow is still there, but i just cannot feel the colours as i did once. I am sad, depressed because of that. I have lost taste of the colourful world and lost touch with the rush of senses that were once so beautiful; like an orchestra they played and i just sat in trance and nirvana.
But now, it just seems like nothing. I believe, i lost myself when i lost the one thing that ever mattered to me most, probably the one thing that mattered to be at all...love perhaps?
Save me..
No comments:
Post a Comment