Spot the difference
Today i lie in another dissapointing moment because something did not go right. Is it everyday that the morbid shall reign over my mind, heart and soul? The answer is clear - only if i let it. The same implies to you. There have been plenty of moments when i just wanted to give up. I have felt as if the whole world was weighted against me and i was being crushed beneath it. There are even times, when i just can't help but feel as if i had already died and lived through hell and came back. More than once, I have been caught by the grip of a reaper waiting to justify my suicidal death. I once felt so lost and hopeless, and in those times I am just by myself. There is nothing to brag about because this is not any matter of glory, but one of despair. I am not the type that tries to tell others that I have been through much more tougher times than you, but instead i say that we all go through our tough times. Don't make it a sick competition, you'll just get even more sick.
People say that i'm critical on others. Gosh, the amount of criticism i have for myself is, if not more, of equal quality. I may scrutinized my every word and action to the extent that i qualify if the words i used may have offended the other person, even though i did it by mistake. If others make this mistake towards me, i can understand. But if i make the mistake, i would attempt to correct that action, even though it would be just in a gist of the moment. To me, my every word is thought over before i utter it. Why? I found the reason during the PSG empowerment camp: "To be happy and make people happy."
The reasoning behind it is simple enough. I like to see people happy, so i make them happy. I can be harsh at times, but i don't keep grudges. Grudges are like psychological poison to me. It spreads in my mind like a disease. Once i begin to despise a person from one aspect, i find that i tend to automatically stereotype that person as despicable from every aspect. Imagine if i started to say everyone else is despicable. It would be awful. Not a nice place to live in at all.
Though to make people happy, i must be happy. Why? If i'm moody, i doubt the incongruence in my facial expressions and demeanor would promote any positive regard. It would be more likely to promot "unconditional lunatic regard". Have you seen a schizophrenic before? Sometimes they can cry and laugh at the same time. Though it may be a wonder in how they manage to show two different function of the face at the same time ( i mean, can you do it? cry and laugh at the same time? diliberately?), it would definitely be a very strange sight to see.
From all the research and things that I have learned through therapy sessions. I have a new idea of psychotherapy. I might now call it "a search for yourself: to find, to repair and to improve." So what is psychotherapy but another tool we may use to "fix" ourselves during our lows or down-time's. Though, I believe most people do rely on the most miraculous cure of all. It's not laughter, it's not the miracle medicine from the medicine man and it certainly is not the lame phrase of "just get over it". It's much simplier than any of those. It's right infront of you. It's your friends.
No comments:
Post a Comment