Lost

I think of the future, i think as if it isn't going to come, and yet i live for tomorrow to come...

I've been fading, fading away... I think i always try to look at the bright side of things. But when i go back to my room and play the radio, i feel the opposite way. It just feel dreadful. There's never anyone around - never anyone who understands. I feel like a forgotten relic. I feel like nobody ever cared, and nobody ever will. I feel like this life is just so damned unfair. I feel like tomorrow, i just want to die, i just want it all to end. Tomorrow...

There's the alarm clock. I wish it didn't exist. I just want to sleep, because my dreams just seem more real. Not because they are the truth, but because they are more comforting. That's what i want. I wished for it a thousand times and i dreamed about it since forever. It never came. It...never came.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow. They just seem like packages of disappointment. What is it that i've done? These things keep happening, again and again, i just can't stop these miserable things from happening around me. Am I a vacuum for these kind of things? I wish it would turn around. Just take it all away.

I don't like how many people are: belittling, ignorant and just seemingly uncaring. I feel anarchy all around. I feel tyranny above. And below there's this sickening hell of comforting torture. There's no more wonderful in the good things. It's cool to be bad. Because at least bad tells you the dreadful truth. Even though it hurts, even though it's hard. It's not the best that counts. You say it and the rest is just bullshit.

Don't come preaching your peachy words to me. Look at yourself first. Do you even know what it means to live in sin? Do you know the many faces of compassion? Do you know the misery of seeing the truth? Do you comprehend the immensity of faith? Look at yourself before you come with all your blissful ignorance and all your communist compassion. Neither your ammunition nor your weapons can even touch the surface of belief. Look at your bloody defenses that you built just to cover up all the lies. Those lies you tell yourself everyday. Yes, those lies that make you stronger. You know, there's only one thing that grows when you take more from it. It's a hole. You're digging a huge hole inside you. There's no "w" to make you whole, it's just that ignorance covering up that gaping hole. Sooner or later, it'll be your own grave.

I want you to stop. Time has become a continuous pursuit of depression. I always wondered why i felt so lonely. It's because of you. You just won't stop for one moment, to look at those bodies that lay on your feet. As you walk and run, you trample. Those beneath you stay not in aw, but with despicable looks, not because they are evil, but because they see evil. What becomes of them, started in your hands and continues in your actions. The repercussion are all before you. But you just chose to look away and continue walking. It's not blasphemy and it's not anything that you wish to look at. It's just one huge mistake.

I wonder what happened to innocence. I wonder what happened to everyone. I wonder what ever happened to this thing called joy. I wonder what's going on in this crazy place. It's no longer the world. The world went extinct a long time ago. It was lost probably a century ago. Maybe it was when the first atomic bomb was used or even created. When did we lose our conscience? Oh no... we lose it before we even knew it. We lost is since we were born. Not born from our mother's wombs, but born into the world of infidelity and scorn. It's the day you realize you should do what's best...for me, I and myself. Everyone else is just secondary. Well realize this.The concept of you is nothing. It's something you never understood. Look around you and see that there's no such thing. See something bigger and perhaps you'll realize that you are just a lie. It's inside something bigger that you were just too blind to understand.

Because of that, you've ripped me apart. Torn, tarnished and stained.

Get out of my life. There's no place for you here. You took away my calm, my peace and my sanctuary.