the beckoning

I have a thirst for the truth. I have a thirst that my curiosity can no longer quench. I have a thirst which goes beyond my understanding. I have a thirst eternal, though it does not turn me immortal...

I am a limited being. It may seem to much for many to live. It may seem to little for some to suspect. It may seem so minute, enough for those to live in ignorance. It may even seem magnificent, something which i am yet to feel...

And how many times have i succeeded? And how many times have i walked the road not taken? And how many times have i tried to shed some light? And how many times have i given away my angels? And how many times have i walked among the glorious, only to remember the bitter failure...

Thus, there's something more that i should do. Thus, there's something more for me to find. Thus, there's many a person for me to know. Thus, there's too many for me to go alone...

And i come to wonder why loss takes such a toll upon me. And i come to wonder why i have a tortured soul sitting inside me. And i come to wonder why my intellect hides my sorrow. And i come to wonder how i fractured a God given soul. And i come to wonder where i have lost the parts of me. And i come to wonder where i have misplaced my peace. And i come to wonder where i should find my kind of salvation. And i come to wonder when it will all end...

I should tease my sorrows and look above. But the blue skies, they are sometimes too bright. And the light stings me, too bright, and i have to shut my eyes and see without my sight. But the warmth of the light, i feel. The rays as they dim and strengthen, the heat rises and falls. I feel the wind that glides with the clouds. I smell the rain before it comes, that smell of water untainted. And i see with my shut eyes, far greater than i could with them open. I ask why does it hurt so much...

although my life is just beginning, i feel that the heavy weight of end is coming far too late...